“We go through life giving away pieces of ourselves every time we compromise for the sake of keeping the peace and making other people happy.”
I know this story all too well – I spent a long time trying to ignore that little voice inside saying I wanted and deserved more. Instead I would make excuses and explain away why things were the way they were in my life: OK job… OK relationships… OK life…
I didn’t know what I wanted or how to make it happen so I focused on fitting in and doing what I thought I should do, hoping that would make me happy. The truth is: I was tolerating a lot of stuff and pretending I was happy. Basically arguing a case for my limitations instead of stepping up and stepping out – designing my life the way I wanted it.
Sadly that’s a pretty normal picture these days. Most people live out a version of this in their lives because they don’t know how to do better. Even if they did know, the idea of taking action to do better is uncomfortable.
We are creatures of habit seeking out the path of least resistance and if the easiest road is for me to not rock any boats and keep the peace, then so be it, that’s my path.
That’s when your life stops being about you and starts being about surviving and fitting in.
Self-doubt and selling out takes over – the agreeing, the placating, the appeasing… keeping your mouth shut, taking care of everything for others, not asking for help, sacrificing your feelings for the sake of theirs, and saying yes when everything in you wants to say NO!
I know… If you knew what to do next, you’d do it.
You’re probably looking for guidance and support from someone who’s been there – who struggled to believe in herself, her story, and her truth – and if you’re questioning your value, your sanity, and whether or not you have what it takes, then let’s talk.
You see, I’ve been in that place. I’ve run up against those same walls – and I busted through to the other side. I know what it takes to get there, and I’m all about supporting you in blazing your own path to freedom.
I grew up in a world learning that being perfect and having the right answer directly correlated to my value. I learned that if I failed, people would lose respect and love for me. I also learned that I needed to give, give, give, sometimes at a cost to my own well being, in order for people to want to be around me. That meant I sacrificed my own needs, and sometimes my self-esteem and respect, to get others to like me.
After doing it that way for almost 35 years, I finally decided: ‘Something’s gotta give’! And give it did… All that effort I put into the façade of who I was left me emotionally depleted, physically exhausted, and discouraged that this is how I was going to feel for the next 40 or 50 years…
What a sham!!
I realized that in trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, I was left totally dissatisfied, disconnected, and frustrated… not to mention feeling a little less than awesome about who I was as a friend and lover.
I discovered I had been living out a couple of different patterns in all of my relationships that were really unproductive for me and the people I was trying to be connected to. I also discovered that just about everyone else around me was doing their version of the same thing.
That’s when I decided enough was enough and I needed to do something to stop the insanity!
Born to coach.
I’ve always had an inherent knack for teaching and I usually fall naturally into the role of leader — no matter whom I’m with. I can’t remember a time when I haven’t been the go-to-gal for my friends and colleagues when they needed advice.
And yet people have told me I’m “too much” my entire life — too decisive, too determined, too forthright. I’ve even had to redesign some friendships because my honesty has proven too much for some.
But I’ve realized that THIS is what sets me apart — that, by being assertive and not afraid to speak my mind, I’m ideally placed to help others step into a life tailored to their happiness.
I can’t imagine doing anything else. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that supporting people in learning to have confidence and fully express themselves when relating to others is what I was born to do.
I became a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach in 2009 and I haven’t looked back.
I do things differently — in a good way.
When I coach, I’m compassionate, yet potent. Most importantly, I deliver. You’ll walk away from our sessions with a renewed sense-of-self and confidence that you’re on track in building effective relationships in every facet of your life.
There is a better way.
I’ve had enough with the traditional approach to figuring this relationship stuff out; reading, therapy, support groups, complaining to friends, never ending classes and programs. Since frustration, confusion, and resignation seemed to be such a common theme with people in general, I wanted a better way to fast track results and get my clients an almost instant sense of power & freedom in their relationships.
In that search for a fast tracked solution, I’ve discovered there are some basic patterns we all fall into when we’re building and maintaining relationships and trying to protect ourselves from getting hurt or embarrassed at the same time.
To clear a path through all the junk that has you feeling stuck and getting the same unsatisfactory results — the fears that won’t let you go anywhere — and teach you how to Rock Your Relationships!
My innovative methodology can pinpoint in short order your personal pattern and then quickly determine a strategy to deal with what doesn’t work.
I have developed a simple Relationship Dynamics Model that will allow you to easily see your pattern in action and then the straightforward solution to fix what’s not working. Every time you feel frustrated, guilty, obligated, anxious, resentful, or stuck in a relationship, you’re experiencing your pattern at play. Through the use of this model you will learn how to stop all of that, and build new levels of trust and communication in all your relationships.
I have found this method to be extremely successful with all types of people dealing with all types of dissatisfaction in their lives – this process works!!
This is transformative work.
In a world where being polite often trumps authenticity, sometimes it’s difficult to know how to act without risking the relationships you have. I’ll work with you to learn how to create genuine harmony and connection while at the same time constructively saying what you need.
I’ll help you get back in touch with (or maybe discover for the first time) what YOU actually want and need in your life to start feeling fulfilled and happy. You’ll learn how to stop selling yourself out in order to satisfy others and how to build real foundations for yourself that will spread into all areas of your life.
When I’m not coaching . . .
If I’m not outdoors running, hiking, or skiing, you’ll probably find me unashamedly devouring a guilty-pleasure novel while snuggling up with my two cats — bow-legged jock Lennie, or dainty-footed Ivy.
Either that or you’ll catch me in the middle of cooking up a storm for friends with the Kings of Leon turned up LOUD. I’m a mean chef — and I adore music.